Here's to You, Mr. Stick Up Your Ass

To: Washington Tickets distribution list
Re: Chocolate bars for sale. This is a fundraiser for my son's day care facility. Proceeds go toward purchasing supplies typical for a day care center -- abacuses, microscopes, DNA analysis kits, poker chips, roulette table. Anything a precocious two-year old would need. Please respond to sender only.

To: DC-Giant
Re: We have a bulletin board for fundraising, Washington tickets is for tickets only. Thanks.

To: Washington Tickets
Re: Chocolate bar golden tickets for sale. Each ticket entitles the holder to a chocolate experience that promises to be euphoric, almost orgasmic.

The Elusive Third Golf Ball

DC-Giant v2.0 turned two last week. It is overstated that time moves way too fast when it comes to kids growing up, but indeed, there is a reason why it's overstated.

Early indications seem to suggest that he is destined to become a dancing, hockey playing make-up artist. He also will do some painting on the side, but instead of canvas, he will paint on family room couches and chairs. It's going to make displaying his work in art galleries a little more challenging.

A note to his Godfather: Thanks for the call wishing him a happy birthday, dumbass. He was crushed when he realized you forgot. You might have to give him control of a casino to pay him back.

He Thought It Was The Constitution

By now you have heard the sorry tale of how VP Dick shot someone during a hunting trip. Jeez, it's never the other way around with these stories, is it?

The person who got shot was in the hospital and reportedly was "alert and doing fine," which VP Dick apparently was not during this trip.

A male Republican's worst nightmare - he accidentally shot his wad at a guy. I'm sure he was thinking of Lynne the whole time.

The Democrats new campaign strategy is to stay out of the way and let the Republicans pick each other off.

I Have Three Purple Hearts

I must have accidentally picked up a copy of 'The Onion' today and not the Washington Post because there is a story of the Shrub attending a ceremony unveiling a bronze bust commemorating his service in the National Guard.

You've got to be fucking kidding me?! Under his criteria of military service, I should be four-star general.