Here's to You, Mr. Stick Up Your Ass

To: Washington Tickets distribution list
Re: Chocolate bars for sale. This is a fundraiser for my son's day care facility. Proceeds go toward purchasing supplies typical for a day care center -- abacuses, microscopes, DNA analysis kits, poker chips, roulette table. Anything a precocious two-year old would need. Please respond to sender only.

To: DC-Giant
Re: We have a bulletin board for fundraising, Washington tickets is for tickets only. Thanks.

To: Washington Tickets
Re: Chocolate bar golden tickets for sale. Each ticket entitles the holder to a chocolate experience that promises to be euphoric, almost orgasmic.