With No Courtesy Flush Either

Mrs. Giant was approached in the ladies room at a restaurant over the weekend by a woman who claimed to be part of an evangelical group. This woman asked if she could preach the gospel to my wife, to which she politely declined.

Why can’t this happen to me? I would love for some wacko christian to approach me in the restroom because I have a response at the ready:

“I’m sorry, but I can only deal with one shit at a time.”

Where's The Cake?

This month marks the first anniversary of Off The Post, and I’m happy to report that I have named Off The Post the blog of the year.

I expressed surprise when I notified me of the award. “I get all my inside jokes, so it’s nice to see that get recognized,” I declared in a news release.

Oy Veychkin

It was difficult to see my beloved 49ers get shellacked by my behated Dannyskins. Watching the game was like playing a round of golf in which you look for that one shot, that one putt to take away from it that will keep you coming back. Hey, at least they didn’t lose by six touchdowns. They did end their nine quarter touchdown drought. Let’s face it, they are two or three seasons away from being two or three seasons away.

Our babysitter bailed on us Saturday night, so we were forced to bring our 20-month old son to our date celebrating Mrs. Giant’s birthday, which involved meeting friends for dinner and drinks before going to the Caps game. DC-Giant v. 2.0 came through like a champ and was fantastic all night, salvaging what could have been a disastrous evening.

The last time we brought our son to the Caps game, he became upset when the horn and music would blare suddenly throughout the arena after the Caps scored a goal. We had no such worries this time.

Thinking of the Right Words To Say

I think the only complaint I have about the iPod is, if you don’t have the speakers that you can plug your iPod into, you don’t have the accompanying music to drown out your singing. So, if I want to belt out ‘The Promise’ by When in Rome, no one should be subjected to my horrid voice.

Elmo Fell Down, A Little Help Please

I survived my parent's visit, barely. I had to take double doses of my blood pressure medicine to ensure survival, but hey, whatever it takes.

My parents visit coincided with my son's formal entry into the 'terrible twos.' He still is the best child in the world, but you can tell that he is beginning to develop a little bit of a will and an attitude at times. Or, should it be called atti-two-de.

Seconds From Disaster

My parents arrive today for a weekend visit.

Peter Johnson is a Dick

I’m not sure I understand the whole comment spam thing. Maybe three people read this, and that’s probably an exaggeration, so I’m not certain what is being accomplished. Unless they target the loser blogs with no readership in order to make the authors feel better. If so, thank you!

Speaking of things that interest only three people, hockey season has begun!

Before we get too excited, let’s remember that the Caps played Columbus, not Ottawa, Detroit, or Tampa Bay, and allowed 37 shots to a team that also is expected to struggle. However, it was a nice start and a great debut by Alexander Ovechkin. His two goals notwithstanding, he is a very dynamic, exciting player.

Unnatural Too

Last night, wind gusts of up to 3 miles per hour knocked out power in my neighborhood. This sudden storm also moved some leaves around and shifted blades of grass.

Oh the humanity. First, Katrina, then Rita, now this. Will it ever stop. Fortunately, PEPCO crews courageously worked through the weather to restore power within an hour.

Meanwhile, in other news.

What Are You Going To Do About It, Dough Boy?

Over the weekend, a University of Oklahoma student with emotional difficulties committed suicide near the football stadium using an explosive attached to his body. A University of Oklahoma student with emotional difficulties – isn’t that redundant? They live in Oklahoma fer crissakes. How could you not have emotional difficulties?

In other news, Wal-Mart is considering buying struggling clothier Tommy Hilfiger in an attempt to upgrade its image and draw in a more upscale clientele. A top-ranking Wal-Mart official said that studies by the retailer showed, “Our shoppers don’t make shit. We need customers with more straight cash, homey if we want to remain viable”

Speaking of Wal-Mart, Garth Brooks announced in August that he signed a multi-year, exclusive pact with Wal-Mart making the retailer and its Sam's Clubs and walmart.com outlets the only places where his music will be sold. After two months under the deal, his sales figures remain unchanged.