Dewey, Cheatham & Howe
Let’s first take care of a couple public service announcements before we get things started.
The Milano sandwich at Lawson’s in Dupont Circle is not nearly as good as the one at the Italian Store in Arlington.
Look for the San Francisco 49ers to have a good season, mainly because new coach Mike Nolan and I have the same pair of sunglasses, so wager accordingly. Remember, this inside information is for recreational purposes only.
Now back to our regularly scheduled post.
Traditionally, August in Washington is very slow and mellow. Congress is on vacation, and since practically everyone’s work is associated with Congress, a lot of offices are empty for an extended period.
Revenues for my company are generated by billable hours, so when things are slow, a lot of hours are left on the shelves.
In order to move this excess inventory, we are having a special sale. From now until September 6, you can get work from an actual partner for the low, low rate of a senior associate. If you act now, meaningless research from a legislative information specialist will be thrown in for free.
Wait, there’s more.
If you act this week, you will receive a discount on the firm’s usual retainer fee. It’s usually completely outrageous, but the special rate this week would reduce it to just slightly outrageous.
The Milano sandwich at Lawson’s in Dupont Circle is not nearly as good as the one at the Italian Store in Arlington.
Look for the San Francisco 49ers to have a good season, mainly because new coach Mike Nolan and I have the same pair of sunglasses, so wager accordingly. Remember, this inside information is for recreational purposes only.
Now back to our regularly scheduled post.
Traditionally, August in Washington is very slow and mellow. Congress is on vacation, and since practically everyone’s work is associated with Congress, a lot of offices are empty for an extended period.
Revenues for my company are generated by billable hours, so when things are slow, a lot of hours are left on the shelves.
In order to move this excess inventory, we are having a special sale. From now until September 6, you can get work from an actual partner for the low, low rate of a senior associate. If you act now, meaningless research from a legislative information specialist will be thrown in for free.
Wait, there’s more.
If you act this week, you will receive a discount on the firm’s usual retainer fee. It’s usually completely outrageous, but the special rate this week would reduce it to just slightly outrageous.
posted by DC-Giant at 10:34 AM
1 Comments:
After a week's pleasant stay in the chaotic frenzy of post-Communist Central Europe, I feel compelled to post if for no other reason that to restore the level of commentary on this blog which has declined precipitously (and in direct proportion) since the onset of Congress' summer "break" and the resultant awkward silence that fills the canyons of power in our nation's capital as lawyer/lobbyist types try to move excess billable hours inventory. Pathetic. What, not enough money left from July's paycheck to buy that 50th pair of tassle loafers or Hermes tie? Can't fathom a dinner at the Palm that isn't charged to a client? This problem is most likely exacerbated by the fact that DC doesn't have a "mandatory" summer migrating spot like the Hamptons where the powerful and plugged-in can go to congratulate themselves on being fucking fabulous while running their SUVs into crowds full of the non-entitled. I don't think Dewey Beach or OCMD does the trick.
Now I want you to veer back towards the center, without me here to keep you honest your strident left wing tendencies are again moving to the fore.
And another thing. There is no sandwich in the world superior to the double meat perversion that my former college roommate Gus, five years out of college and having attained Assistant Manager status at the Italian Store in Arlington, would pile together, for free I might add, every time he was working. I think he may have sprinkled a bit of whatever drug he happened to be flush with at the time onto the sandwich, because, in the words of Florida Evans on "Good Times" "damn, damn, damn"!! they were better than sex (not like either Giant or I were getting much sex when we were rooming together in DC, we probably cancelled out each other's mojo). So, you gotta get what you can when you can.
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