Pope Vicks XLIV

Running on a platform that promised, ‘My views will be more antiquated than yours,’ Cardinal Ratzinger was elected the 265th Pope and took the name Pope Benedict XVI.

Reaction among American Catholics was immediate.

“Benedict XVI - sounds like a cough formula,” said one.

An American Catholic insider declared that the Rat is a “horrible person” and described his election as a lost opportunity. “I think he's a tyrant who probably intimidated people into voting for him,” the insider added.

Yet another American Catholic insider exclaimed, “It's going to be hard to follow a Pope who's clearly going to Hell.”

A top-ranking American Catholic official reminded people of the Rat’s strident views against homosexuality and his attempt to minimize the priest sex scandal, describing it as a conspiracy to destroy the church. “I think he is evil,” the official asserted.

Other American Catholics attempted to console themselves by noting the Rat’s age and implying that he might die soon. Yet another indicated that maybe the mob won’t like him and assassinate him. That person clearly has watched the ‘Godfather’ movies too many times.

Attempting to inject some reason and hope to the debate, one person said that Catholics should not look to the Pope for leadership because then no one would want to be Catholic.

That’s very true. If people looked to the Shrub for leadership, no one would want to be American.