You Can Take the Man Out of Coach

I’m back from participating in the melanoma acceleration program in Turks & Caicos and let me tell you, it blows big chunks to be back. I’ll spare the details and just say that it was real and spectacular.

You will recall that this trip was courtesy of the first-class round-trip airline tickets that I won earlier this year.

Flying first- or business-class does not have the cache it once had, but it’s still not a bad way to travel; you can’t beat the bigger seats and the extra leg room. I thought the roasted spotted owl that was served for lunch was a bit excessive, but what can you do?

The safety announcement in the first-class cabin is a bit different than what I usually hear in coach. For instance, the flight attendant explained that, in the case of an emergency, the first-class cabin immediately would become encapsulated, the captain then would push an ‘eject’ button allowing the cabin to parachute safely to the ground. People in the industry call it the FC (Fuck Coach) button.

I’ll spare you all the details of the vacation, but I will say that it was real and spectacular. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort and man, there definitely is truth-in-advertising with this one. I found the rum-punch IV drips particularly enjoyable and convenient.