I Hate It When They Panic and Kill a Hooker

Yesterday, a partner at my firm sent around an e-mail that read that a very good (deep pocket) client is looking for an attorney in a certain jurisdiction who could assist him with a traffic citation problem.

I can imagine the thought process of this client. He gets caught going 80 mph in a 25 mph zone racing home from his mistress' house and is shitting bricks. 'I'll get the high-priced law firm my company uses to help me out with this.'

It's amazing there haven't been similar e-mails sent around seeking assistance for various things. Here is a preview of some potential solicitations.

A very good client is looking for a bookie who will take some heavy action on this weekend's NFL playoff games. Please reply to sender only.

A very good client is looking for an upscale, disease-free escort service to use for a visit to town this weekend. Escort must be familiar with positions referenced in Dan Savage columns. Please reply to sender only.